From: Joe McGonagle <joe.mcgonagle@ntlworld.com>
Date: Fri, 9 Jan 2004 15:36:57 -0000
Fwd Date: Fri, 09 Jan 2004 10:43:59 -0500
Subject: Martian News


From: Doktor DynaSoar <targeting@OMCL.mil>
Newsgroups: alt.paranet.ufo
Sent: Friday, January 09, 2004 2:53 AM
Subject: Re: MARTIAN AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH

>On 8 Jan 2004 12:48:09 -0800, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
>(HellPopeHuey) wrote:


Gusev Crater (MPI) - A spokes-thing for Mars Air Force denounced
as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert,
outside of Ares Vallis on Saturday. Appearing at a press
conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that "the
object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon,
not an alien spacecraft".

The story broke late Saturday night when a major stationed at
nearby Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Gusev Crater
Daily Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object
which allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing"
several times before coming to a stop, and "deflating in a
sudden explosion of alien gases."

Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily
Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report. General
Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a
detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were
blatant fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But
the general public has been slow to accept the Air Force's
explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate on the
"other-worldly" nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists
have condemned Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious
government cover-up," pointing out that Mars has no swamps. They
point to the release of secret government memos detailing
attempts to discredit reports of the landings by alien space
craft.

The memos discuss stategies to avoid troubles similar to those
caused by the War of the Worlds radio program of years ago. The
program, which featured a sensational story of gigantic oxygen
breathing two-eyed invaders from Earth, sparked planet wide
panic.

Local residents like Driv Rhodo, who lives in the area of the
alleged landings, are even more sceptical. "I seen it with my
own 5 eyes" claimed Rhodo last week. "I've lived here over 300
years, most of my adult life-form. Them things used to be few
and far between but lately they come in every few years or so.
The government wants to bury the truth but I can tell you what's
real. The Earthlings are going to invade and the government is
spending our hard earned tax dollars on press releases and
denials instead of preparing for the battle to come."

A spokesthing denied any government involvement in the
disappearance of Rhodo, who has not been seen since shortly
after the interview, claiming "Any sentient being knows that a
planet with the concentrations of water and oxygen found on
Earth is a deadly and inhospitable environment for the formation
of life, much less intelligent life. The fear and consternation
caused by the unfounded and wild speculations of citizens like
Rhodo are a traitorous disservice to the citizens of Mars."