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EW: Amazing Mentalist's UFO Prediction (Humor)

From: Kurt Jonach <ewarrior_electricwarrior_com@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, 11 Jun 2002 15:49:22 -0700 (PDT)
Fwd Date: Wed, 12 Jun 2002 00:30:17 -0400
Subject: EW: Amazing Mentalist's UFO Prediction (Humor)

From: The Electric Warrior (Kurt Jonach)


The Electric Warrior : Microcultures June 11, 2002


(The Electric Warrior) - Suppose I'm The Amazing So-And-So, and
I need a good publicity stunt toward the end of a fairly
successful entertainment career?

[Yeah, OK, get on with it.]

Lot's of people are interested in UFOs and extraterrestrials,
so, it'd be great to be involved with the Biggest Ever Sighting
in History, wouldn't it? I've never been particularly impressed
with the phenomenon, and those UFO guys are easy to pick on.

[Biggest ever? That's a lot of people!]

Not if you're in the desert. You don't normally get large groups
of people in the desert. So it's, Biggest Ever Sighting in
History -- In the Desert.

[OK, how do you get people into the desert?]

You go to Las Vegas, of course. You get off the stage, walk out
onto an empty lot, and you're in the desert.

[How do you get a crowd? You're not even booked into Las Vegas
any time in the foreseeable future.]

Right, right. I'm not even scheduled. Las Vegas is a great town
for an entertainer with name recognition. There are plenty of
places for people to have a good time. I probably can't get
booked into any of the top flight venues, but if I can pretty
much guarantee a sizeable crowd, my chances are good. In fact,
that scenario is practically a standing invitation. Plus, Vegas
is close to Area 51, and all those UFO guys know it.

[Area 51, that's right. All those people out in the desert
seeing things. How do you get biggest ever sighting in history?
Just off the top of my head, what about all those stories from
the Bible?]

Wait a minute. That's a lot of history. Plus, the way I heard
it, those weren't "sightings", they were "acts of God". No, I'm
promoting a UFO sighting, a very important distinction. The word
UFO wasn't even coined until the late 1940's, so there isn't a
lot of history.

[Right, you're going to convince people in Las Vegas to see
alien flying saucers.]

You're not paying attention. U-F-O means Unidentified Flying
Object. All they have to "see" is something they can't explain,
up in the sky, and it's a UFO. So its, Biggest Ever UFO Sighting
in the Desert, and we can forget about history.

[How do you get people to show up?]

You make it exciting. You offer a $50,000 guarantee -- that's a
lot of money -- and then you offer it to charity. People like to
get behind a good cause. And if I cast the event as a
prediction, people who don't understand what I do will naturally
assume it's somehow paranormal or psychic. Those are some heavy
duty vibes: UFOs, aliens, flying saucers, psychic prediction,
plus a name-brand entertainer. They'll show up, all right.

[Wait a minute, you said no aliens or flying saucers!]

I hype the event on every call-in radio talk-show that will have
me, and all I have to do is be very careful about using the word
UFO. If people want to throw in all that other stuff, that's
fine with me. Get it on the Internet. I'll get plenty of free
publicity, and I'll get booked into Las Vegas, too. Just wait
and see.

[Where do you get the money? You told me up front, times are

I don't need a dime. Three, maybe four people get hysterical,
see something weird, and then talk about it. I'm off the hook.

[Yes, but that's very cynical. It could damage your career.]

Those UFO guys can't take a joke, can they? Well,
I've got a Social Agenda. I tell people I did it
to show how easy it is to get fooled.

[Hmmm, experienced mentalist, a few people out in Las Vegas
seeing weird things in the sky, plus a very strict historical
interpretation of the term UFO. Come to think of it, that
doesn't sound very hard to pull off. But it certainly does sound
suspicious. Maybe even dishonest.]

What are you talking about, pal? I'm The Amazing So-And-So, and
That's Entertainment!

June 11, 2002
Silicon Valley, CA

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